As we near the celebration of Christmas, this seems like an appropriate time to pick up Part 2 of a discussion about our gifts. In Part 1, we explored how our gifts come to us. In this post, I want to explore how they are distributed.
According to Merriam Webster, the second definition of a gift is “something that is thoughtfully given without expectation of return”. That seems fairly simple on the surface, but I am interested in exploring the questions one of my readers posed about how our gifts become distributed. Is it by our own choice, the receiver, or some third party? I think the answer is yes depending on the circumstances.
We have all made a conscious choice to give a gift, whether that gift is material or a talent. We choose to distribute gifts to celebrate an occasion like a birthday or holiday or to simply to share something we have with another person. In this case, it is typically our own choice to give the gift. Other times, we may be asked to share a gift by the recipient or someone else. For example, “Can you share your recipe for this amazing dessert?” or “Would you sing that song for me?” In both of these instances, the giver still has the ability to choose whether or not to oblige the request. (Just ask my son who hates when I ask him to sing on demand)
How about if we go one level deeper? How does the answer change when you ask the question, “Who determines the meaning behind a gift?” Is it our choice as the giver? Does meaning lie with the receiver or some third party?
When the gift is tangible and material, there is often a very clear and explicit meaning communicated by the giver. I know you like to read, and I know you like this author, so I chose this book. I know you like the aromas of the holidays, so I am giving you this pine and peppermint scented candle. In these instances, it is fairly easy for the recipient to have a shared understanding of the intent and meaning of the gift.
When the gift is intangible, like knowledge, it becomes much more complex. My experience leads me to believe that the meaning making is shared and more heavily weighted with the receiver. As a learning and development professional, I can share learning with others, but the recipients are the only ones can determine whether it is something useful and helpful that they want to adopt and carry forward. I am keenly aware that what I am hoping to give and what others may receive often do not perfectly align. Sometimes it’s a matter of how I tried to communicate it. Sometimes it’s completely dependent on the state of the receiver. And more often than not, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. My favorite way of sharing meaning is the synergy that happens when someone takes what I offered, makes it their own, and shapes it into something that is even better than what I ever intended. This is true not only when sharing our gifts, but even more so when looking at the way we make meaning in all communication. This is something I want to unpack in more detail in the coming months.
Time for personal reflection: How have your gifts become distributed to others? Take a moment to think about the gifts you will give or share this year. What would it look like to be more intentional in creating shared meaning with the recipient?
However you choose to celebrate the holiday season, I wish you and your loved ones peace, joy, and and a blessed new year!
